Category: Marriage Issues

In determining our mental health issues, we know that we have to rely on our symptoms. That way, we can easily know what causes the emotional and mental pain we might be dealing with. Often, we rely on our senses and perception that things are not okay because they are unsolvable and out of control. And sometimes, we believe that our psychological aspect is struggling because we can’t act accordingly. Even our thoughts and emotions get a little too messed up that we begin to change our behaviors and engage in a habit that we once never considered.

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However, how certain can we be in terms of determining our mental health symptoms? What makes us think that a particular headache, fatigue, or lack of concentration means more than meets the eye? What are the assurances of knowing that we might be dealing with a mild mental health problem or an already diagnosable disorder? Honestly, the process is way too complicated.

Luckily, despite the struggle in knowing and deeply understanding the emotional and mental condition, we can rely on professional help. These experts have this method that guarantees to assist us in knowing more about our mental illness. With that, I bet this article with a lot of fervently asked questions can help us know more.

What does the Beck Anxiety Inventory measure? 

The Beck Anxiety Inventory is a 21-question multiple-choice self-report inventory that assesses and measures adults’ and children’s worrying habits, fears, and physiological symptoms related to anxiety.

In general, BAI evaluates anxiety and depression symptoms, including mood swings, guilt, punishment, self-accusation, self-dissatisfaction, sense of failure, pessimism, excessive crying, agitations or irritability, self-dislike or self-hate, social withdrawal, indecisiveness, body image change, insecurities, and suicidal ideas.

 How do you score the Beck Anxiety Inventory? 

Scoring Beck Anxiety Inventory starts with adding the values for each item or question. It should yield a total score for all 21 symptoms that ranges between 0 and 63 points. The range is classified as a “Minimal” level of anxiety when the total score of 0 – 7. When interpreted as an 8 – 15, it is classified as mild, 16 – 25 to moderate. But when the total score is 26 – 63, that is identified as severe.

 Who can administer the Beck Anxiety Inventory? 

The Beck Anxiety Inventory (BAI) can be self-administered. However, it is more convenient and somehow reliable when administered verbally by a trained interviewer. That way, there is more consistency in the answers to determine the descriptive symptom of anxiety.

But of course, this method can only become reliable when the patient tells the truth about what he is emotionally and mentally going through. Because once there is an inconsistency with the answers, the BAI might not guarantee a reliable data source.

 What is the difference between BDI and BDI II? 

The first and original version of BDI was based on patient description and clinical observations. Meanwhile, the BDI‐II contains items that reflect the affective, somatic, cognitive, and vegetative symptoms of depression.

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 How reliable is the Beck Depression Inventory? 

Mental health experts positively acknowledge the criterion validity of the BDI-II. It is considered a reliable and substantial measure in identifying real-time characteristic attitudes and symptoms of people with depression. This method is beneficial since many experts widely used it and consider it a well-validated tool for measuring the severity of an individual’s anxiety.

 How do I reference the Beck Depression Inventory? 

You can reference the Beck Depression Inventory from the Manual for the Beck Depression Inventory-II.

 Is the Beck Depression Inventory copyright? 

The BDI was copyrighted in 1978, a few years after it was revised in 1971. The test is widely known for synchronized validity of measuring individuals’ attitudes, characteristics, and depression symptoms.

 What type of scale is the Beck Depression Inventory? 

The main design of the 21-item self-report inventory of BDI-II aims to assess the cause and severity of symptoms of depression in the last two weeks. Each item is rated on a 4-point type scale that ranges from 0 to 3.

What is the highest level of anxiety?

Honestly, it depends. The Anxiety levels are characteristically classified by the intensity of impairment and distress an individual experienced. It goes into four categories which include mild anxiety or the sense of nervousness or uneasiness. Usually, an individual gets through with this phase in no time. Then there is moderate anxiety, where symptoms are more frequent and persistent. But despite that, an individual can still deal with life functions properly. Then there is severe anxiety, where the person deals with excessive, intense, and persistent fear and worry about everyday situations and nothing in particular. Lastly, panic-level anxiety can have physical manifestations that interrupt an individual’s life in general.

What are signs of bad anxiety?

Some of the signs of bad anxiety include restlessness or nervousness, increased heart rate. There’s hyperventilation, sweating, trembling, and feeling weak or tired. Also, there is trouble concentrating or thinking about anything other than the present fears and worries.

Who can use the Beck Depression Inventory?

The Beck Depression Inventory’s latest version is designed for individuals aged 13 and above. It is composed of items concerning symptoms of depression such as irritability and hopelessness and cognitions with feelings of guilt or being punished. It also applies to individuals who suffer from physical symptoms such as weight loss, fatigue, and lack of interest in things they once enjoyed.

Is the Beck Anxiety Inventory free?

Not entirely. Fortunately, there is free public access to the Beck Anxiety Inventory scoring form and assessment. It is a self-reported tool that uses self-report questionnaires to determine the presence of depression or anxiety on a patient.

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Insight

With all the benefits of coping methods, we can use to guarantee ourselves better and functioning mental health, the struggle usually starts with knowing what is there to address. Thus, with the help of this anxiety-related inventory or testing, our chances of knowing more about our condition give us comfort and hope that things can get better once we understand what we are dealing with.

 

Do you know what I realized during this lockdown? It takes so much time to heal wounds of the heart, mind, and soul. I will be two years separated from this monster my children call “dad,” but the pain of his torture on me is still there. Every time I see him, I panic. I have difficulty breathing, and my nerves are all acting up. I know he cannot hit me anymore or cannot threaten me. We are past that. It’s just that my body is still traumatized from everything, and no matter how much I try to hide it, it shows. The bastard is even taunting me. It seems that he enjoys seeing me flinch and suffer.

Continue reading Deep Thoughts While On Lockdown

Since the start of the year 2020, there are a lot of disasters that the world experienced only in its first quarter. There is the sudden eruption of Taal Volcano, Australian and Amazon bushfire, earthquakes in Turkey and the Caribbean, devastating floods in Indonesia, Ukrainian jetliner crash in Iran, and communal riots in Delhi. But the worst phenomenon that until now the world keeps on battling is the spread of the Coronavirus.

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What Started All Of This?

It has been almost half a year since the outbreak started in China last 2019 of November. It was believed to originate from a small market that supplies all kinds of animals, endangered and domestic, that was served for human consumption. The Coronavirus, in particular, was believed to come from bats. That is why when people found out that a restaurant offered a soup with bats on it, they immediately assumed it was the first case of COVID-19.

From then on, the spread went through different countries, infecting and killing different people worldwide. It was seemed like an isolated incident at first affecting a few couples of individuals in a particular province of Wuhan, China. However, the virus’s unnoticeable symptoms, unfortunately, spiraled into a global disaster. And the worst part, there is no cure for the spreading diseases yet. And people can only flatten the curve by practicing social distancing and frequent hand washing.

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Why Does It Cause Mental Torture?

It is physically impossible to go any reputable news source without hearing or seeing updates about the current state of the outbreak. People worldwide get bombarded with anxiety-inducing reports about the virus’s latest infection, number and death tolls. It creates mental torture because people can no longer think properly due to fear. There is the worry of getting infected and being unable to make it, and an emotional burden to infecting other people, especially an individual’s loved one. There is a concern about living life with uncertainty.

The global pandemic changed the lives of millions of people around the world and left them unable to do what they usually do. People are now trying to get by with the new normal. That is where they keep their mask on and sanitize their hands frequently. There is a restriction on how people should socialize as well.

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What Expectations Are There?

People are required to quarantine or socially distance themselves from others to stop or lessen the spread of the virus. However, not all individuals are eager to listen and follow such a protocol. Thus, the increase of COVID-19 related cases went up. However, some experts already pointed out that there is no way people would pay much attention to the virus spread because they are too focused on economic stability. Therefore, the option of stopping the disease may end up in horrific costs.

Way back in history, when the world suffered from a pandemic, the government’s health experts used to do nothing but to focus on finding a cure. That is because it knows people will never listen. That is where the term “herd immunity” originated. It is the process of allowing the spread of the virus (intentionally or not) to determine who are the ones that can recover from the infection without doing anything at all. It would be assumed that individuals who survived the virus would develop antibodies that will support the future advancement of the COVID-19 cure.

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Going back to the question “when will the pandemic ends?” the uncertainty is on its max level. Apart from the growing number of infections, there is still no sign of developed cure from the medical fields. Therefore, a convenient way to fight this global pandemic is to continue quarantine and social distancing until an effective vaccine can be developed.

Every marriage goes through a bumpy road, and sometimes, it may seem hopeless because you have both grown so tiresome about all the issues that are thrown at your relationship. Before ending a once magical bond with your spouse, consider seeking professional help. “Couples therapy is designed to bring out the best in you and your partner, strengthening the quality of your relationship, as a point of balance, allowing you to deal with issues in ways that support you to grow as individuals and a couple,” says Athena Staik, Ph.D.

You may never know how much it could benefit you individually and as a couple. “[I]f we have the tools to understand, empathize, listen to and connect with our partners within and outside of conflict, we can have the fulfilling relationships that we were meant to have,” according to licensed marriage and family therapist Robyn D’Angelo.

Continue reading Is Your Relationship On The Rocks?[Signs You Will Benefit From A Couples Counseling]

[Invest In Something You Want To Last]

Marriage is a lifetime commitment, and that means to put your 100% to it. Often, people get so caught up in the feeling of being in love that they forget a relationship is more than just rainbows and butterflies. There are several things to take into consideration especially if they haven’t been dating for a long while. “[I]f we have the tools to understand, empathize, listen to and connect with our partners within and outside of conflict, we can have the fulfilling relationships that we were meant to have,” according to licensed marriage and family therapist Robyn D’Angelo.

Continue reading Why You Need Couples Counseling Before Marriage

In life, both opportunities and hindrances to success are disguised in many forms. It is hard to figure out which is which because we may have grown used to a situation making us unaware of its impact on our lives. For instance, our behavior is based on our life experiences. We learn to change and adapt to our environment and the people in it.

It is sometimes hard to tell and accept our imperfections because we tend to compare ourselves to others making us ignore the faults in us. We may say, “He’s even worse. Why would I…” Sometimes, we ignore that we are emotionally unstable because the people around us make it seem like we’re all the same and ordinary. But yes, most likely when you are emotionally unstable, the people around you are, too.

Signs You Are Emotionally Unstable:

1. You Lie

“The most common reason for lying is to self-protect. There might be a real consequence or a perceived one that a person is trying to defend themselves against,” says Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC.

“Though shall not lie.” It is a universal code yet you ignore it.  There are instances when we tell little lies that has little to no significance at all, but when you are used to saying things other than the truth that sometimes it already confuses you about what’s real and what’s not, then there is absolutely something wrong with you.

“Pathological lying is something that has negatively affected many people, even professionals, who are often unaware of the psychiatric instability or personality disorder of the liar,” according to Támara Hill, MS, LPC.

2. You Are Anxious

“Anxiety is a reaction to a situation we perceive as stressful or dangerous,” Monique Reynolds, Ph.D., licensed clinical psychologist says.

You cannot relax and tend to always worry about things that you can’t really change. If you are tired, you rest. Never go rushing to that hasn’t seize to exist yet. Stressors are everywhere and being anxious is slowly being a trend. No one’s to blame because this world has trained us to adapt quickly to change, and sometimes, some people don’t just want to catch up, they want to be ahead.

3. You Cannot Decide

Decision making is happening every second of every day. It is up to us where we want to spend our time on, and some people find it hard to make choices, even the simplest one. Sometimes, we are caught up in a situation where we need to decide where to eat, and it stresses us if we cannot come up with an answer. Emotionally stable persons treat these little choices as it is, but when you are emotionally unstable, you make a big deal out of the littlest decision that you cannot make.

4. You Find Someone To Blame

Emotionally unstable people are most likely unaware of their flaws and weaknesses, or if they are, they think that they have a justifiable reason and that people should accept and adjust for them. They never take defeat, and they blame somebody else for everything that goes wrong. It’s as if they can never make mistakes.

5. You Are Always Online

Emotionally unstable people tend to rely their decisions and identity on social media. They seek approval from other people they do not know and ask for validation of their thoughts and feelings from someone who reads their post.

Being emotionally unstable is undeniably a hindrance to becoming successful in life, may it be career or relationship. When you think you have the signs mentioned above, maybe it is time for you to consider having an individual or online therapy through BetterHelp. (You can learn about the platform more when you visit their YouTube or Instagram page.)

It is never a wrong decision to better oneself. Who knows asking for professional help could be the first step towards obtaining the better things in life?

 

“Motherhood is all-consuming. There are parts of who we were before we had children that get lost. I voluntarily stopped work and embraced motherhood wholeheartedly. I felt like I had less value in society’s eyes because I only contributed within my own family.” This was the personal recount of a licensed psychologist named Kellie Edwards.

The role of the mother in keeping the family relationship healthy is vital. She is the keeper of the house and the wellbeing of every family member. They say that “A happy wife makes a happy life.” Yes, indeed! But it basically means that when a mother has a healthy state of mind, she is more capable of taking care of the household. 

 

According to a psychiatrist, the psychological health of the mother has the most significant impact on the entire family. If a mother is confident and lively, her family is more likely to develop a happy and bright perspective towards life. If a mother is grumpy and gloomy on the other hand, there is a high chance that everyone prefers to be anywhere else but home. “When you’re living with any kind of chronic or severe illness, like mental illness, diabetes or cancer, there are times when your functioning will be compromised by that illness,” said Joanne Nicholson, Ph.D.

 

Here Are A Few Simple Tips From A Psychiatrist For Mothers On How To Maintain A Healthy Relationship Inside The House: 

1. Cook a variety of food that will encourage the whole family to look forward to going home and having meals together. There is always something special when everyone in the family can boast about how good the food in the house is. Learn new recipes. With the vastness of the information we can find on the internet, mothers can choose from millions of dishes from all the cuisines worldwide.  
2. Keep the house tidy. If it’s possible, throw away all the clutter of the things the family doesn’t need. It is okay to be a hoarder as long as there is a designated place to keep all of it. Don’t pile your collections on the living room. Remember that not everyone is delighted to see the things you are fond of collecting. Keep everything in its place because an organized house will promote a more focused and clear mind. 
3. Don’t nag at your husband or yell at the kids. Mothers are understandably stressed most of the time, but it is vital that they know that peace and harmony in the house depend on their mood. If the mother is grumpy, it is likely that everyone will stay in their bedrooms and wait until she is calm. 

   

4. Invest in the family’s health. Be mindful of everything you prepare on the table. Make sure that you provide your family with proper nutrition, so everyone is not prone to illness. Health is wealth indeed, and when you are a mother, you know that this is the utmost priority. 
5. Make the house smell good. Buy air purifier or freshener. Good smell promotes a positive mood, therefore creating a comfortable and pleasant place for the whole family. It will also make everyone look forward to coming home and smell the relaxing aroma in the house. 

“In families, depression experienced by the mother has a key impact on the child’s well-being. In Finland, the maternity clinic system functions well, but attention should be paid to depressive symptoms among mothers over a longer period: from the pregnancy through to the end of the child’s first year of age,” says Dr. Johanna Pietikäinen. The behavior and personality of a mother are vital in determining the future of a household. Sometimes, mothers are too distressed and are unaware of the unfavorable effects of their offensive behavior on each of the family member. They should always keep in mind that mothers are not just housekeepers but are also responsible for the healthy state of mind of everyone under her care. 

In case you need psychological assistance, BetterHelp may be able to help you. Try downloading their app at Play Store or App Store now for faster transaction.

I admit, I never imagined that raising a teenage daughter can become so challenging. I never thought that that once sweet, bubbly angel could make me lose my sanity. My daughter, Eve, turned 15 just three months ago. She used to be jolly and smart, but now, she started to display erratic behavior that affects the whole family. She’s not our only child. We have two others younger than her which makes it more complicated because her behavior affects them too.

Continue reading I Had To Seek Online Therapy For My Teenage Daughter

  

 

When my wife confirmed that our son has some neurodevelopmental delay disorder, at first, I was in denial. Does this mean that my son is mentally ill? That was my first thought. He is crazy. Or is he not? What is wrong with my son? And why did he have this “issue,” as my wife would call it?

 

I work in another city and travel every week. I spend four to five days in my hometown where I work, while my family is in my wife’s hometown. We both decided that for security reasons, the kids should stay in “her” city since it is peaceful there and with fewer rebels or radicals. As for my birthplace, security is still in question, and I don’t want my kids to grow up with fear. I thought this was the end of my “problems” concerning our children. Oh boy, was I so wrong?

 

She said that our son, my Junior and our only boy, has Autism Spectrum Disorder. The second thought in my head is his “look.” My wife said that it is not Down Syndrome – that’s what I was thinking. Oh thank God, I thought he was like that. (Later on, I read that ASD is “Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a complex neurodevelopmental disorder that affects behavior, communication and social functioning. According to the latest figures from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, an estimated 1 in 68 children in the U.S. have ASD,” according to Latha Soorya, PhD, Laura Arnstein Carpenter, PhD, and Nabil Hassan El-Ghoroury, PhD.)

 

 

Learning About My Son’s ASD And How I Dealt With It

Autism Spectrum Disorder is a type of neurodevelopmental disorder in children which displays some delays in social skills, gross motor skills, and cognitive function – I have quoted my wife on this. The next thing we talked about was – is he crazy? My wife almost slapped me when I asked her that. She said flat out that our son is not crazy and will never be crazy. It’s just that he is different and unique. We need to support and assist him in all ways possible for him to cope with his disorder.

 

I’m not a bad father, but I just couldn’t deal with this reality. My guilt is killing me in all this because I know in my heart that I gave my wife a tough time when she was pregnant with our son. You see, at that time, I had a brief affair with someone from my university. My wife was angry all the time back then, and one reason is her pregnant hormones combined with her depression. (Prenatal and Postpartum depression is real. I read, according to Ellen J. Tourtelot, MD “It’s difficult for women who are suffering from untreated depression to come to their appointments. Establishing successful breastfeeding after delivery is also much more difficult if the depression isn’t treated before the baby’s birth, since women often give up a few days after birth if breastfeeding isn’t going well.” This happened to my wife and I reacted differently.)I didn’t understand her as I should have because I was selfish. I jumped at the first woman who showed interest in me, and that was me being too weak and fickle.

 

 

My Biggest Mistake

It only happened one time because I came to my senses, thank God, but my conscience wouldn’t let me sleep. When she learned of the affair, I made sure that she would hear about it after she gave birth, I felt relieved. It took a year for us to recover from my foolish mistake and now, the effect of that stupidity has presented itself once again. My wife was so distraught during her pregnancy, and I caused this to happen to our son. I managed to give him his disorder. It was my fault, all of it.

 

I told my shrink about my feelings, and he said that I needed to clear the air with my wife. And so, I asked her to come with me during my counseling session and laid it all out. She told me that things happened in our life that we are not happy about, but there is no point going backward. Oh, I love her for saying the right things all the time. I just hope that she will never, ever leave me – I hope she never realizes how foolish of a man I am.

 

My wife reassured me that it’s not my fault, but it is here now. Our son needs both of us so that he can live a fulfilling and regular adult life. We had to bring him to a speech therapist, educational therapist, and occupational therapist for an assessment. Money is also an issue for us, but this is important. We had to tighten our belt to allocate for his therapy sessions. (I learned that my son badly needed the therapy. “There are also times where families are interested in finding out why their child may not be thriving in their academic, social, or home environment. Being able to provide assessment in the cognitive, academic, and socio-emotional domains is another important aspect of my work with families,” says Matthew Roth, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist.

 

As a father, I am trying my best. I mean, what else can I do, right? My heart and soul wishes for our son to grow up a better person, and if therapy can help with that, then, so be it. If this will make up for my mistakes, then, I will have to make an effort for him and our family.

 

Things To Keep In Mind Before Going To A Couples Counseling

 

 

People go to couples counseling before finally deciding to get a divorce and go separate ways. It’s their last resort in trying to patch up their relationship. In all fairness, it’s a well-meaning sign that there’s still hope in saving the marriage because that is the purpose of having a couples counseling. People call a counselor to set an appointment in the hope that they can at least have one last shot at making things right, maybe not to stay together but to break upon good terms.

For couples counseling to be successful, there are several important things to keep in mind. They are crucial in determining the result of the therapy, and you and the counselor are after the same goal out of your sessions – to get the best possible outcome. “[I]f we have the tools to understand, empathize, listen to and connect with our partners within and outside of conflict, we can have the fulfilling relationships that we were meant to have,” according to licensed marriage and family therapist Robyn D’Angelo.

 

 

Keep In Mind These Things Before Attending A Couples Counseling:

According to marriage counselor Gary Chapman, “Each of us speaks a different “love language,” of which there are five: words of affirmation; acts of service; receiving gifts; quality time; and physical touch.” If you still love each other and want to make it work, couples counseling can help even if it will not be easy.

1. Know that it is still going to be difficult. Couples counseling does not guarantee that the battle is going to smoothen. The counselor is going to help you go through all the issues that you couldn’t fix, and that implies that those are hard ones. Don’t expect that couples counseling will be a walk in the park.

 

Try asking yourself your main reason for wanting to have couples counseling in the first place. Prepare your mind for all the possibilities. Remember that the fight is going to be painful. Ask yourself why you are doing it so that you can remind yourself later on.

 

2. Make preparations of your own. Clear your head with others’ opinions because they can influence your thoughts during the therapy. They will be like silent voices whispering in your ears, so free yourself from any of these by going to a place where you can clear your head.

 

Find your haven and think of the steps you are taking. Remember all your burdens, so you can pour it all once the therapy starts but also remind yourself of the positive areas of your marriage.

 

3. Never hesitate or think that it will be a waste of time. Just know that the earlier, the better. Some people try to fix their marriage on their own, but sometimes, they worked for it long enough. They had waited for the time when it already seems impossible before they decided to seek couples counseling.

 

However, people don’t usually call a counselor in the second year of their marriage. They ask for help because they think of it as the final lifeline, and that’s okay. It doesn’t matter when you decide to seek couples counseling. What matters is that you did because there’s a part of you that somehow hopes for the better.

 

4. Do your research and choose the best. Find a counselor you’re both going to be comfortable with during the sessions. Remember that he is going to have a critical role to play in repairing your marriage, and it’s something to be handled with a lot of care and precaution.

 

Find someone who is straightforward because you need to hear the truth, but make sure that he is not biassed because that’s the last thing you need. You want a whole and clear picture of the situation, not just someone’s truth, so make sure that you can figure out that the counselor is fair.

 

5. Don’t hold back. You are seeking a couples counseling to try and fix what you can’t on your marriage, and that mostly consists of poor communication. There’s something that the both of you could not agree on, and you need someone to mediate for you. With that said, you need to be able to tell everything that’s inside you. Don’t sugar-coat your words. Say what you mean.

 

Never end counseling without saying everything. You know there would be some sleepless nights if you are not able to tell all. It is better to pour everything regardless of the result. You don’t want to bein a situation where you’ll be thinking “What if I said it? What could have been the outcome?”

 

6. Listen! You are not attending a couples counseling just to pour all your burdens. You should know that you will be there to listen as well. It doesn’t matter who caused most of the problem in your marriage. You also have a part in it, so be open to all the things that you might learn from what you did.

 

People are good at blaming. Somehow, it’s their way of making themselves feel better, but if you are opting for a couples counseling, don’t go pointing fingers. Acknowledge everything that the other side has to say and listen and ponder. Never go into a defense mode.

 

 

“As individuals, we benefit greatly from learning skills to manage our emotions, cope with our inner critics and become assertive. The same is true for couples: Our romantic relationships also benefit greatly when we take the time to learn and practice the skills that cultivate connection,” says Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. Seeking couples counseling is a sign that both of you still want to fix your marriage. You both believe that you could be better. It could be your last shot at saving not just your relationship but your wellbeing from falling apart, so make sure that you are prepared to give it your 101 percent.