The family is the basic unit of society. No one is born into this world without a family. We learn the ways of the world from the very people we learn how to walk and talk. Basically, everything that we are is founded on how we were raised. However, we all know that not all families are the same. This means that some people grow up a lot differently from others.
Research has shown that the reason why families are different and why we grow up different from other people is because of two very distinct areas of behavior. These two areas of behavior result in two very different outcomes when it comes to family life and adulthood.
The first area we are going to talk about is the family as a support and resource. Obviously, this is where the child grows up to be happy and proactive. They are supported by their parents and guided into a life that is healthy and happy.
These families are usually cohesive. They are characterized by their emotional warmth, harmonious interactions, and firm but flexible roles. Parents in these families act not only as a disciplinarian but also a friend. No forms of violence or aggression are displayed in this area of behavior, which is why the child grows up to be gentle and kind.
Now we go into the family as a stressor and distraction. Much like the first area of behavior that affects families, leading a life with this type of behavior will have a great impact on the child’s life. So, this is typically the type of behavior that leads a child to grow up with aggression, temper issues, antisocial personality, and rebellion.
Family issues such as abuse – may it be physical, emotional, sexual, or mental – can have a big impact on how the child interacts with other people and ultimately on how they grow up. This is why we have people who live a life with depression, anxiety, or other mental illnesses. Much like abuse, there will also be a big impact on the child when they grow up in a family environment that is cold and distant. They grow up not being able to show their emotions, thinking that emotions should be kept away. This is why we also have adults who are cold and distant.
Now, family issues are normal. Every family will experience that. However, parents will have to keep in mind that they are not the only ones who will be affected by these issues. The first ones to get affected by these issues are the children. Adults can rationalize and control their emotions while children do not have this option. They will not understand what is happening, and although they will try to rationalize what is happening, it is never a guarantee that the child will be able to grasp the concept of what is happening fully. This is why parents must learn how to communicate effectively with their child, and as an added reminder, parents must not lash out their anger onto their kids.
This is sadly a common issue among families, and it causes children to become rebellious and to become temperamental. What some parents will tend to do is for them to release their frustrations and their anger onto their kids, using the children as a form of a stress ball. This leads to emotional, mental, and in some cases, physical abuse.
We have to remember that it is never the child’s fault. Whatever may happen to the family or the parents is not caused by the child. Whatever issue the family is facing, the first thought must always be how can you, as the parents, protect the child from any harm and how can you still show that you love and care for them despite the struggles that you are facing as a unit. It is understandable for us to feel frustrated by the situations we are in, but at the end of the day, we are defined by how we respond to the situation and what the outcome is.
Finally, what we all need is to know that our past does not define us. The mistakes of our parents or our family do not define us or become us. We are our selves, and we determine how our lives will go. If you ever need help with anything, if abuse is going on inside your home, do not hesitate to call the emergency hotlines. There will always be a help when you need it, and there are people who will be there for you no matter what. You do not have to become like your parents, and your family does not have to be like the one you had growing up. This is your chance to change the patterns of bad behavior. This is your chance to give your children a better life.