In any discussion in psychology about marriage and relationship, truths are told. It is not one man’s effort because it is always a two-way street. Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman of The Gottman Institute says, “A good marriage must have a rich climate of positivity” and advises that we make “regular deposits” to our emotional bank accounts.” Both individuals in the relationship have their obligations to make things work. Both of them are equally responsible for their actions, words, and behavior towards one another. Though perhaps some couples experience an imbalance, it doesn’t mean one should stop compromising.
The Significant Other Is Not Everything
One misconception of having a fulfilled and happy marriage is the idea of looking at a spouse as someone who completes the individual. A lot of people believe that their partner should have to be their other half, their soul mate, best friend, best sexual mate, and sounding board. While these are good preferences, one should always remember that it is impossible for any individual to meet all those criteria. There are going to be other people who can fill up the void. It could be friends, family, and even one’s self. There is no sense in putting all the expectations on their spouses or partners.
Yes, it is okay to consider the significant others as one of the favorite people in the world. That is because each couple has a variety of dynamics that make them unique among others. But people shouldn’t have to focus all the attention on their other halves and assume they are the only ones that put sense in their lives. They have to remember that there are other people in their lives too that need them.
Allowing Phones To Come In Between
In today’s era, there is no denying that almost all people in the world are now relying on technology. That includes doing the daily task together with their phones. The particular situation has now become one of the worst causes of marital argument. That is because one or both couples are currently having a hard time focusing on what the other one has to say. There is divided attention that puts the marriage in a cold situation.
Both couples should remind themselves that if the relationship is more important, they should share it. They should not let their phones come in between and become the reason of their undivided attention. Each person should put a conscious effort to put down their phones so a meaningful discussion can happen. It is vital to secure a 100% presence in a mental, physical, and emotional conversation.
RelationshipGoals Don’t Often Meet Expectations
It is okay to put effort into creating #relationshipgoals. Honestly, it is an excellent way for couples to consider their roles in the relationship. However, too much dependency on it is not healthy. Some of the expectations sometimes exceed, and others don’t happen at all. Marriage and relationship are not only about who’s willing to sacrifice for who, and who’s always there for whom. It is about focusing on what couples currently have, whether the one is giving or receiving. “Dealing with setbacks can be exhausting, so it’s important not just to push your way back too hard, but to rest and recharge along the way,” says Ellen Hendriksen, Ph.D.
Yes, it is true. All marriages and relationships are imbalanced. Meaning, there is an excellent chance that one of the couples will love and care more than the other. But it doesn’t mean they can’t meet halfway. If both persons are willing to compromise and consider each other’s feelings, all in between will mean nothing. And if they make sure that the goals are theirs and not a projection from someone else’s, they going to be okay.
Letting Go Of The Bad Habits
Every individual has their flaws and imperfections. But in terms of relationships, people build resentments. There are times that couples will find it hard to adjust and instantly take away bad habits. Though in some cases, others just don’t let go. There is this mentality that individuals’ personality is what makes them who they are. But the truth is, they are only having difficulty trying to figure out which of their traits and characters are toxic.
Others may agree that it is okay to stay the way they are because that is how everybody sees and knows them. Perhaps they are used to it already. But when nobody wants to change their bad habits, it is a sign of immaturity. It entirely means that growing up and developing into a better person is nowhere near the picture.
The relationship is hard, and it is full of personal, social, and environmental battles. But what makes it amusing is the capability of those couples who can handle even the toughest decisions alongside with each other. “The key to surviving these times is to remember to be respectful, acknowledge our commitment, and work through whatever is at hand together,” says Kurt Smith, Psy.D., LMFT, LPCC.