It is imperative that a couple goes through counseling before deciding to get a divorce. The couple needs to see the bigger picture of the situation and assess for themselves if getting separated is the best option. A counselor will try to help them sort out what’s causing the marriage to fail and will help them realize if it’s repairable or not. “Detaching from an ex-partner may be especially difficult for people who are anxiously attached in the first place,” says Gwendolyn Seidman Ph.D.
Divorce is not just for the husband and wife. The whole family will have to get through it as well. The kids will need to adjust, and everyone will have to start a new life. It is just fair to everyone in the family that all their opinions are heard before making a decision that will impact everyone’s life.
What You Need to Do Before Deciding to Get a Divorce
Talk With Your Spouse
The main reason for the problem is between the husband and the wife. Your differences and misunderstandings are the reason why your marriage seems to fail. Communicate with your spouse. You should be able to tell each other how you feel about certain things concerning your marriage and your family. Try to compromise and work things out if you can. Remember that you are partners, and you should at least try to fix things. According to Dr. Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show, “even though love is one of the most important elements of a satisfying relationship, it’s not the only factor to be considered.”
Talk With the kids
The kids will be the most vulnerable among the family. The problem was probably not their fault in the first place yet they would need to suffer the consequences of their parents getting a divorce. Hear what your kids have to say. Always consider what they feel because your decision will have a significant impact on their lives. If you can, explain yourself. Try to explain the situation and why your family is going through it.
Consider Couples Counseling
Go to couples counseling. Sometimes, you need to hear it from other people before you can understand it. Ask help from an experienced counselor who knows how to handle situations like yours. The counselor will try to get to the bottom of the problem, understand the case, and intercede for you both. In this process, you should be able to realize the cause of the problem and your part in causing it. It is essential that you both acknowledge the problem, and you both are willing to do your part in having a solution. According to Susan Heitler Ph.D., “Marriage problems need fixing, not ignoring.”
Opt for Family Counseling
Get help through family counseling. The kids are part of the family too. If they weren’t able to open up to you, maybe they’d be able to speak up with a family counselor. Sometimes, they are afraid to voice out because they may hurt your feelings or they are scared of how you would react. A family counselor would know how to try to make them speak up.
Divorce is a significant life decision. It is a decision that will change not just your life but also the kids’. Their feelings and opinions are important and should be taken into consideration. If divorce is the best option, it is imperative that the kids understand what and why it is happening. Parents should prepare them for what is going to happen and reassure them that it is for the better, and they would both still be there no matter what.