It’s a wonderful feeling when we finally meet that special someone in our lives and decide to commit to them for eternity. It makes us feel safe and confident to fall in love. However, it comes with quite a shock when that feeling eventually fades away. “Once we have made the decision that we have found the person we want to be with and commit to, the work begins. A big part of that work is making many other choices,” according to Kurt Smith, Psy.D., LMFT, LPCC, AFC. When there’s a realization that we no longer want to be in a relationship, and the idea of being with our spouses for a lifetime freaks us out, there’s got to be a serious problem.
What Ruins A Relationship?
According to Brian Mustanski Ph.D., “Sometimes people of all ages feel like they need to do things to make their partner stay with them, even if those things are unhealthy.”
It is a complicated situation because we get to experience a lot of anxiety and depression from overthinking about it. The idea of losing emotional attachment from someone we thought we wanted to share the rest of our lives with suddenly blurs us to our current desire. Sometimes, it is even embarrassing to admit the change of hearts. From there, we seem to lie, hide, and deny things that are both beneficial and harmful to our relationship.
Not all relationships are perfectly designed for a “happily ever after.” Tons of arguments constantly pop up out of nowhere, as well as lots of complaints and disagreements that are unmanageable. Most of the time, different opinions ruin even the little connection the marriage has. That’s because, over time, we feel a bit lonely, bored, empty, and disconnected. We attempt to look for things that make us wonder and ask questions. We begin to doubt and ask ourselves about the value of committing without considering the consequences.
The Depressing Truth
Yes, it is possible to feel desperate and even depressed in a marriage. That’s because there are things that occur in our lives that aren’t supposed to happen. Though the constant argument and disagreements can take a toll for several reasons, it doesn’t limit the negativity there. The act of merely falling out of love from the person you once adored becomes enough to end something that happened to be so wonderful in the beginning. We fall into a typical pattern that takes us away from what’s important in our marriage – love. Sometimes, even the slightest reason for a resolution will become so hard to find. Falling out of love without any reason is possible. Though it may be hard to believe and we might insist for answers to every question, it doesn’t always give us want we want.
Marriage is a commitment of staying honest and respectful with the person we marry. According to marriage coach Lesli Doares, author of Blueprint For A Lasting Marriage, “Being married is about joining two lives together, not giving up one. Being content in your own skin means you won’t be looking to your partner to fill voids in your life.”
However, if we lose the soul of it and realize that love is nowhere to be found, that is the time we need to evaluate ourselves over and over. If the relationship becomes dependent on the years spent together, becomes at ease with avoidance of arguments, and is less important compared to anything else, then it’s time to let it go.
No one likes to get stuck in a situation that holds happiness and contentment captive for a significant period. If the marriage is damaging enough to cause depression, then there’s no reason for keeping it.