“There is a plethora of emotions to work through, your living conditions are different, and even your daily routine has been completely altered. Life as you knew it will just never be the same. Healing from a divorce and eventually moving on with your life takes time and effort,” says Kurt Smith, Psy.D., LMFT, LPCC, AFC.
Nothing lasts forever, and even marriages that start out as a love-filled relationship between a husband and his wife can end in divorce. These days, it is seldom to find couples in their first (and only) marriage which lasts ‘til death. Divorce is so common, that in the United States at least 40% of married individuals break up permanently. Heartache is apparent, and even if one or both parties want the divorce to happen, still it is a painful life event to accept.
When you leave your spouse or partner, or if your spouse has left you, the emotions are too intense. It is not just painful; you will also feel grief, guilt, shame, stress, and anxiety, among others. If you two have children, the problem becomes more challenging. Divorce is never a walk in the park with the kids.
Couples Therapy Or Discernment Counseling?
With these possible complications, some couples resort to therapy just before they make their final decision. This time will be a trial period, and by then, they will decide if they want to stay in the marriage or to part ways. Discernment counseling aids in that service. Discernment counseling is a short-term therapy “designed to help couples on the brink of divorce gain clarity and confidence about deciding on a direction for their marriage,” according to Susan Lager, LICSW.
If couples decide to stay together, they will have to undergo couples or marital counseling. “Couples therapy is a positive, constructive opportunity to enhance any and every relationship, no matter what stage it is at. It gives you the tools you need to build a strong foundation, reach shared goals, and find lifelong happiness,” says Jane Framingham, Ph.D. This type of therapy program is to help them repair their personal issues for the betterment of their marriage. Now, if one of them or both the husband and wife want to cut their ties, it will be best to get involved with a divorce counseling therapist for help.
Reasons Why Couples Get Divorced
There are many reasons why people get divorced. It can be minuscule or blown up – it really doesn’t matter anymore. Once they decide to divorce, time will get it done.
Here are some reasons why people sever their marital ties:
– Early marriage and lack of commitment
– Got hitched to the wrong individual
– Problems with communication
– Unequal division of responsibilities
– Spousal abuse which includes physical, emotional, and financial
– Unworkable expectations
– Money troubles
John Gottman, a psychologist, reported along with firm shreds of evidence that relationship problems start with how the husband and wife interact with each other. He calls it the “Four Horsemen” and these things can lead to a divorce, if not repaired early on.
- One spouse or both of them criticize each other to the point of insults and fights that bear deep scars.
- Disdain and utter disrespect can kill a marriage. Husbands talk with hatred to their wives and vice versa. This act is a difficult thing to undo.
- A defensive spouse or someone who doesn’t take responsibility for his or her actions can destroy their relationship.
- One spouse can also stonewall or sweep everything under the rug without having to fix the problems. How can an argument be settled when talking is not “allowed”?
Divorce counseling is offered for people who are in the course of getting a divorce. This form of individual psychotherapy can help some couples dissolve their marriage healthily and successfully without too much catfights and drama. A divorce psychotherapist can be a facilitator and can establish strategies to guarantee that the separation is accomplished with marginal aggression and emotional impairment. Counselors can also aid in dealing with relevant issues, like living provisions, economic commitments, and parenting duties.